I was having a conversation with Bettina earlier today, and she commented that the idea of calling someone "Sir" makes her think of an old man, and so makes her laugh; and that "Master" struck her as funny too. I can think of quite a few Doms who would be lividly angry with that; it's probably quite lucky for her she isn't involved with one of them.
Similarly, Pearl - a kinkster I know, a switch really but primarily a Domme at the moment - has her toys and subs calling her Empress at the moment. It's something that one of them called her (I don't know the context - attempting to be respectful? Flatter her? Butter her up? A name he go from a previous Domme?) and she liked it, having others call her that as well.
In a different conversation, Persephone Belle and I were talking earlier in the week, discussing the name I use for her - or, more specifically, talking about an alternate name I could use for her. She goes by two names generally, and I specifically prefer one of them for casual conversation. I actually prefer the other as... Lets say a more "formal" form of address. When it comes to it, though, neither
This blog is under the name Mike Miner; the people who know me well know that it isn't my real name. It's a nickname I adopted in certain online contexts way back when I was about 16, almost 20 years ago now; Mike the Mad Miner. I'd be amazed if anyone even remembered the origins except me... And yet it's what I thought back to when I was looking to create an account separate from my own identity.
Most people have a number of names over their lifetime. I've been told that names are one of five types: generic, descriptive, suggestive, arbitrary, and fanciful. I tried to look into it, and found a reference to the "five types of names" describing company names, so maybe the person was confused? One dictionary has a huge list of types of names: aliases, nicknames, noms de plume, noms de guerre, first names, last names, middle names, maiden names, pet names, pseudonyms, titles and more. Every name has a meaning, a context, a purpose... More to the point, though every name has power.
Power. Some people will look at me askance that I've said that, but I'll stand by it. People believe that names are special. Some people believe that, besides the descriptors you get during your life, every person also has a True Name - a name linked to them mystically, and knowledge of that True Name gives a person power over you - the ability to influence you, or control you, or kill you.
Power, though, doesn't have to be so dramatic. I could say, for example, that one of my coworkers was called Bob. That would tell you something; you'd probably assume he was a guy, for example. You may assume he's friendly, or at least approachable, because I called him "Bob" and not "Robert". If on the other hand I described him as "a manager", that gives you a different impression; someone more serious, someone responsible, someone more important. If I described him as "an executive", that gives you a different impression. And yet it's entirely possible that all of those things could be true. Other people - or people at different times - may call him "Bobby", "coach", "daddy", "father", "husband", "valedictorian", "doctor", or dozens of other things... And every one of those has a context, a meaning, a value, an impression. Every one of those frames him differently. Every one of those makes you see him differently, in your mind.
That's my point. A name is created to describe the person somehow - but it also creates them. It changes how people react to them, and so it impacts them, directly and indirectly. A name changes how people see you, how people act towards you. Calling someone "love" can lift someone up; calling someone "bastard" can wound them. Names are important, critical to our every day. It's amazing to me how people take them for granted all the time.
In the world of kink, just as anywhere else, names have amazing power. A lot of the time, a kinkster frames their entire world with how they identify themselves. I identify myself as a male, cisgendered, heterosexual, polyamorous, dominant, sadistic, demisexual kinkster. When it comes to the community, it gives them a lot to work with - a good basis to work from if they're trying to get to know me. Obviously it's very high-level - there's a lot of details not covered - but it's all relevant... And it's all important.
Part of how it's important is for other people... But to me, more of why it's important is for yourself. You have to understand yourself. You have to own your names. Three years ago, most of those names scared me. Ten years ago, two of them I tried to hide, two I wouldn't even have understood, and the rest I would never have talked about. Eighteen years ago, when I graduated high school? I wouldn't have even understood that it mattered. But today those names are badges of honour. Oh, not because I'm proud of being a sadist; not because I'm proud of being poly. But just because they're who I am. They're part of me, part of what I think, part of what I feel, and there's nothing to be ashamed of there.
I have dozens, hundreds of names. Some are insulting, some are ones I adore and which make my heart soar every time I hear them; some are silly, some are serious; some are happy, some are sad; but I'll wear them all with pride, because those names are mine... And you should be proud of yours, too.
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