Are sexual submissives always emotionally submissive in their relationships outside of the bedroom?The short answer is, no, not at all.
TGIF again and my thoughts turn toward frisky fantasies such as D&S and S&M. A couple of weeks ago, I asked: Could you maintain respect for a submissive lover who worshipped you in potentially disgusting ways? Quite a few of the responses made it clear they thought that only someone with low self esteem and a constant sense of submission 24/7 could ever engage in such submissive behavior. To numerous respondents, it seems it was inconceivable someone could enjoy such games sexually, but turn off their submissive steak outside the bedroom. While I have not been in such a relationship, and so do not know, my guess is sexual submission is not related to submission in things outside of sex. Are those who enjoy being submissive in the bedroom usually or always suffering from Dependent Personality Disorder Symptoms? Am I guessing correctly that many view it as a way to enhance their sexual play, but are able to separate submission in sex play from submission in everyday life?
The important thing to remember here is that most elements of BDSM and kink are separate. They can be - and frequently are - closely related, but they don't have to be. They can relate to different pieces of your mind and your personality. It's always going to come down to exactly how you relate to it.
Is your submission tightly linked to your sex drive? If so, then odds are high that your submission won't extend beyond the bedroom. In my experience, most submissives really fall into this category - people who enjoy being spanked, being held down, being tied up to be fucked, being blindfolded, enjoy the fuzzy handcuffs... Whatever it might be. There's no connection between that and being a submissive outside the bedroom. There are dozens, hundreds of kinks that fall into the "submissive" category and will get someone off even while they feel ashamed or humiliated or totally uncomfortable with them in public, or just simply don't fit into their day-to-day lives.
Also be careful because "sexual submissive" is such a broad category. Saying "I'm a sexual submissive" could bring up any number of different things with different people. It can be everything from pet play to bondage to sadomasochism (which, of course, extends from spanking to blood and everything in between) to humiliation/degredation to... Well, whatever you can think of. Things that you may consider submissive may be perfectly commonplace and *not* submissive to someone else. Does your partner, for example, take their shoes off when they get home, but you put them by the door? Or do you always ask if the want a drink whenever you're in the kitchen? Or whatever. Things which are just "typical and domestic" to you may be "submissive" to someone else, and it blurs the edges, because my answer may not be the same as someone else's not because they don't agree with the idea -but because they don't agree with my definitions. What may be perfectly normal sex to you may be strongly submissive in someone else's opinion.
No comments:
Post a Comment