The Young and the Restless...

I missed my "scheduled" post on Tuesday this week; it's a side effect of a bunch of craziness in my life outside of this blog.I know it's hard to believe that I have a life outside of this blog, but trust me, it intrudes regularly - even if just in my getting sick or having family things to deal with. I will endeavour to hold such interruptions to a minimum, and maybe even eventually build up a small reserve of advance entries. In the meantime, I decided it made more sense to simply let the 4/22 entry slip and post this on Friday.

It occurs to me that if I'm going to be referring to specific people, at some point I'll need to call them by name - even if just so as to avoid some level of confusion over the constant "her"s and "him"s and "she"s and "he"s. So to that end, let me tell you a small amount about Daphne.

That isn't her real name, of course; but she's a fairly local girl I started talking with off of Fetlife. She's a college student who's fairly new to the scene and is looking for information - knowledge about these types of things, people she can chat with, people to play around with... The usual stuff. She has very little experience with it, however; in fact, she has little sexual or kink experience of any kind

Girl, hah; she's 27, but she's seven years younger than me. Some days, I feel very old.

I was originally planning on making my next post about trust, because there's a lot of aspects of trust affecting a lot of aspects of kink. I somehow doubt that surprises too many people, considering how much risk is involved; but thinking about Daphne made me realize that she doesn't trust herself, and that's part of the problem here. Part of the reason she doesn't have much sexual experience is because she's managed to convince herself that it's... Wrong, or makes her a slut, that it's not okay to enjoy herself in that manner; and part of the reason she hasn't explored kink is the same idea. That her kinky interests are a sign there's something wrong with her, not just a bit of a difference in how she gets off.

This is probably the biggest reason why people who otherwise might never get into kink - the total conviction that there's something wrong with it. It's what made kink so hard for me to get into for so long, years after I'd realized it was part of me. Knowing intellectually that bondage or sadism is something you want, and really intenalizing it - really becoming comfortable with it - are totally different things... And they can be a lifetime apart.

I'm sure it doesn't help anything that she is so inexperienced, because the unknown is always easier to be scared of - or to think the worst of. Ignorance breeds fear, after all. So I already encourage her to discover things, to explore her kinks... And to try and get over her inhibitions. Sex isn't evil any more than a pair of handcuffs are - and she's got a really late start onto it.