A first time on the floor...

I talked previously about people getting into kink and BDSM, and thought I would expand on that. There are, of course, dozens or hundreds of ways to get into this wonderful world of craziness, and it seems like everyone picks a different one. It could be a book, a movie, a TV show, a game with their friends.

Personally, my first memory of BDSM is a movie. By weird coincidence, I saw two shows on TV late one night - the first was "What The Swedish Butler Saw", an "erotic comedy" which had some BDSM themes; and the other one was some random teen angst movie where one of the plot points involved a girl losing a bet and cleaning a boy's room naked. I realize that the latter really had nothing to do with kink in general - it was some random 80s teen movie, and there wasn't even any nudity in it - but the two became linked in my head, not the least of which because of the dominance aspects one could take from it. My earliest thoughts of D/s - not that I realized that's what they were, at the time - rose out of those.

In some ways, I got very lucky in that. My introduction was very gradual - I had the chance to think things through before doing anything. The shock when they realize what's going on is the biggest problem many people have when being introduced to kink, and it can also depend on how lucky they are with what they encounter first. Some introductions are far gentler than others. Having your first introduction being someone asking you about trying out fuzzy handcuffs is probably going to scare noone, while having your first time be someone peeing in your mouth without warning is enough to make someone panic... Or at least very upset.

The first thing you need to do is talk about it with your partner. If you're interested, or if you think they are, having enough up-front communication to make sure it doesn't surprise either of you is important. Shock isn't necessarily good or bad, but it is unpredictable - being caught off guard is guaranteed to make whatever it is scarier. It's entirely possible it won't matter - after all, shock doesn't mean you don't like it... But it can ruin trust, at least in the short term.

Trust is such a huge piece of BDSM and kink in general. The obvious part is that a sub has to trust her Dom - after all, they have so much power - but it's important in every aspect. A Dom has to trust his subs, to carry out his orders... And at least sometimes, to trust they won't be "outed". Kink is a very private thing in most cases, and it can bring social and legal troubles when it's exposed.

First encounters don't always go bad because of trust, though. Kink is an area you should be careful getting into without thinking it through first, and without taking your appropriate safety steps. I, personally, have some level of claustrophobia; it makes MRIs difficult but also makes blindfolds, masks, and a number of types of bondage totally non-viable for me - they'll lead directly to violence or a panic attack. When your lover is trying to go down on you is one of the worst times to find that out.

It doesn't have to be any individual thing, either - it could be that you try five things which individually you can handle fine and even enjoy, but if they were all piled up on top of each other the first time, it's enough to make you panic. It's very easy to do too much your first time.

Take it slow. Don't pile too much up. Try it one piece at a time, with someone you trust. And make sure you've thought it through before you ever try it, no matter how innocent it seems. Make sure you know what you're getting in to.