When I explain to people how my marriage works, the main thing I'm told is how people are often too jealous to even consider such an arrangement in their own relationships. I'm here to tell you that I'm not going to be jealous of you.
Maybe it's strange. What most people would consider jealousy and would hold against the "other woman/man" would be something I would more likely hold against my husband. You can't control how he handles his time between us, so that's on him.
It's on me how I react to him getting to know someone else or getting involved with them, though. My first reaction is usually excitement for him, and then eventually there's the momentary anguish over the idea that he will find someone that makes him realize that every bad thing I feel about myself is true. That's not his fault, and that's not your fault, so I'll handle it myself and not get either of you involved in my mini self esteem meltdown.
What I want on your end, though, is this:
Be good to my husband.
Appreciate my place in his life, since I'm giving him the freedom to be involved with you.
Don't be afraid of me.
Be communicative, within reason.
Ultimately, I want to work together with you to make my husband as fulfilled as possible. We don't have to be best friends, but considering I'm more likely to be the one helping him get over you if things fall apart (and not the other way around), being cordial and on the same page with me is kind of important.
Maybe that's bitchy of me, but I figure I'm being incredibly permissive and have a right to expect a new person in our lives to be relatively sane and together. If not, I'll be the first one to point out to him how something isn't working or in the best interest of everyone involved.
I'll be fair, but I won't hesitate to keep my primary relationship as stable as possible. Otherwise, we are good if you are good.
Just saying.
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