So Far and Yet So Close

I work with computers day-to-day and I'm a child of the 90's, so it's probably surprising to noone that I'm a big fan of the internet. I use it for work, I use it to play games, and I use it to socialize - I actually met my fiancé on OkCupid. More relevantly, though, the internet has been an amazing tool for people who want to get involved in Kink - a veritable goldmine of resources.

I'm going to dodge the really obvious thing here - I doubt anyone would be reading this if they weren't already aware of the internet's resources for education, advice, social interaction, shopping, safety, and other things. I'm going to focus on the fact that people can now meet and stay in touch with partners far more easily... And yet I'm often astounded by how naive people are about the options for BDSM relationships online. I certainly won't claim that relationships are easier when based offline - or perhaps more likely to succeed, having more common experience to base it on - but modern technology gives many options for staying close. Here are my favourite ideas and bits of advice.

The most obvious one is video chat. Google (via Hangouts), Microsoft (via Skype), and Apple (via FaceTime) are the most common, but not the only options. Video chat, though, gives you amazing flexibility around spending time together. In particular, getting a submissive on video is an excellent way to have play sessions. Obviously you can't touch them, but it's easy to find ways to play. Have your sub spank herself on video - or point the camera at the wall and hold a quarter in place with her nose for as long as you need her to. Anything that doesn't actually require a second person is just as possible on video as it is in person; plus of course, video gives you far better options than phones ever did for fooling around and having remote sex.

One small addendum here - never forget the safety aspect. There are many things you can have a person do that are reasonably all right in person (where you would be able to help them if something went wrong) but are incredibly risky remotely (where they'd be at serious risk if a mistake or bad luck happened). Use common sense.

As another option, voice systems like Skype give you another option - you can simply leave a voice channel open on your computer essentially all the time. Especially overnight, this can be a pleasant way to be more connected.

A fun extension of this idea is to set up something like HabitRPG for them; I am acquainted with one D/s couple who does exactly this, and it's such an adorable idea I really want to try it out some day.

Use social media. Have them set up a twitter account or blog, and make it as private or public as you'd like. I've frequently had subs set up blogs to post daily reports and "homework"; Tumblrs are excellent for just kindof off-the-cuff things and photo feeds.

Anyway - this is in some ways just the tip of the iceberg. Use your imagination; distance is far less of a limiting factor than it's ever been before. Take advantage of the technologies available to you to stay closer to your partners... Even in the kinky corners of the relationship world.

Stay in touch moment-to-moment with messaging. Whether it be texting, Google Hangouts, iMessaging, Facebook Messenger, Snapchat, or one of many others, computers and smartphones make it trivially easy to stay in touch all the time real life doesn't otherwise interfere. Take advantage of it; it's the next best thing after being together for keeping up with your partner... Or keeping tabs on them. Having them let you know whenever they're leaving or arriving somewhere, what they're doing, when they've completed tasks... Messaging is an excellent way to keep tabs on your submissive.

Talk. I know that phones are incredibly out of date, but actually hearing someone's voice conveys emotion and feeling and levels of communications that text simply can't provide. More to the point, while it has little to recommend it over video these days, the one thing plain voice does offer is convenience - you can just call up your partner  while driving or other times when a video simply isn't an option.

Schedule date-nights, another idea that works just as well for any relationship, not just kinky ones. There are lots of options, from playing games together to watching movies to using video or chat to read books or eat a meal with each other. Exactly what you do is less important than how you do it.

Utilize technology to keep track of their chores and tasks. Apple Reminders, Google Tasks, Wunderlist and many others give you options for setting up lists of rules and jobs, complete with (or without!) reminders, due dates, repeating tasks, integration to calendars or schedulers or other applications and technologies... There are so many options here you can find something that'll work exactly the way you want,  no matter what it is you're looking for.

My last thought, and one of the newest categories of things you can do, is remotely controlled devices. There've been things like pagers linked to vibrators for years but the field has grown far more refined in recent times. There are directly computer- and phone-controlled sex toys of all sorts; large complex ones for the bedroom (or home office, I suppose) all the way down to small, discreet ones like Vibease which you can wear all day and can delegate control to someone else using your smartphone.