Given my preference, I'd rather keep it that way. That doesn't mean I've never had a girl who's *wanted* to; it just means that it never became necessary. I guess some days that's a very fine distinction, but it's a valid one and an important one. It's a fact I'm actually quite proud of, but when I stop and think about it I see how surprising and unusual that is - and I'm surprised it's never gone that far.
"Safeword" is really a bit of a misnomer; they're typically far less about actually safety and are rather all about limits and comfort. Unfortunately, it's all too common in kink for people to go too far, in all sorts of ways and for all sorts of reasons. Kink - whether it's in the context of sex or not - lends itself very well to getting heavily involved, and not necessarily paying attention. Pulling those ropes just a little too tight? Whipping too hard, or too long? Pressing the knife too far? Or for that matter, putting a pin in the wrong place? Leaving someone tied up too long? I doubt very much that anyone would argue that any of those are bad, but few people ever go so far as to think "Oh, that's something I might do, I have to be careful." In the heat of the moment, it's not a matter of not realizing it's a problem - it's a matter of doing it without realizing it.
The most common "injuries" in BDSM are, unsurprisingly, consensual - typically bruises. They are, to put it mildly, extremely common because of just how easy they are to cause. They aren't always bad or even undesired; dominants regularly will spank/flog/whip a sub hard enough that they're going to feel it the next day while they're sitting down, and that can be pleasurable (in its own funny little way) for both of them. Bruises can be more than that, though; I've frequently bruised wrists and ankles from tight bondage, and they can happen from any number of other reasons. Abrasions are another big one - rope burn and carpet burn, for example. Sore muscles and joints, from tight/uncomfortable bondage. Scratches, cuts, and wounds of various types from knives, pins, needles, and other implements. Scalds and burns from wax and flames.
BDSM injuries go far beyond that, of course; unintentional injuries are common... And in most cases avoidable and preventable. All of the above apply - you can bruise someone without meaning to. Scratch them carelessly by mistake with any number of implements. Burn them by dropping a candle or something else hot, whether you're doing wax play or flame play or not. Far deeper or more serious wounds from any kind of sharps play. Burst blood vessels from strangulation.
There's even the highly-publicized "dark side" of BDSM - people who are (typically accidentally) seriously injured or killed. Heart attacks brought on by electrical play. Accidental chokings and suffocations. I think the most fascinating one (in an incredibly morbid sense) is a man who was actually engaged in self-bondage; he put together a breathing helmet with a pipe (20' or something?), chained himself up and situated himself underwater in a pond. I don't remember the exact circumstances - whether he was on a time-lock, or had left a note for someone to come find him later, or what - but he didn't plan well enough; the pipe was too long. The stale CO2-laden air didn't travel all the way up, and fresh oxygenated air didn't travel all the way down; he died, suffocated, entirely because of his own actions.
My point here is, BDSM is dangerous - incredibly so when you're ignorant or impatient or immature - but even with all this, *this isn't why safewords exist*. By the time an non-consensual injury happens, it's too late for a safeword - and if the Dom has not taken steps to fix things before the sub even reacts, he deserves the consequences and possibly prosecution. Safewords are there because of comfort.
I, for one, tend to panic when actually wearing a collar or having my head enclosed. Claustrophobia to varying degrees can do that, or even make relatively mild bondage drive someone to a panic. Some people panic over pain at various points in the spectrum. The effects can be far more subtle, too; the mental nature of so much of BDSM can have unpredictable effects, whether it be depression, panic, anger or something else. Being dominated has a lot of power to shape your mood and your mind - and in the wrong situation or context, it can be a negative and destructive effect.
Dominants have a strong responsibility to take care of their subs. It's my biggest rule - dominants get power, but with that power comes enormous responsibility to not use it destructively. It's a dominant's job to read their sub, to know when they're okay and when they're not, and to treat them and act appropriately. Pushing limits is fine - many submissives get into D/s relationships partly or wholly specifically to have their limits pushed... But it's always possible to go too far. Panic is the worst possible reaction - many situations are not actually dangerous, but *become* dangerous when the sub panics. Do you have any idea how hard it is to unlock a padlock while the person it's locked onto is thrashing around? Hint - it's neither easy nor fun.
Safewords are for when it goes too far and the Dom doesn't see it. Unfortunately - sadly - dominants are human, and frequently make mistakes. It's a submissive's responsibility to make sure that their dominant knows their state, because no matter how observant and empathic their Dom is, they can miss things or have things hidden from them. A safeword is the last straw - when all else has failed and it needs to stop *right now* before something really serious happens. Not before they're injured, but before they're upset - before there's a loss of trust, a loss of *mental* safety, before there's panic.
Safewords, of course, come in all shapes and sizes - usually something that wouldn't fit into typical "in-scene" conversation so even just its jarring nature will shake you out of the head-space you're in. "Yellow" and "Red" are common, but anything out-of-context will work - I've known a sub who insisted on using "Rutabaga". It doesn't really matter, as long as you both know. Then there are variations - safe symbols, for example, hand signs or objects for when you're gagged. One good suggestion here is a "drop trigger" - something the sub holds, where their letting go of it is treated as a safeword.
Whatever you do... Whether you use safewords or not, whether you take it seriously or not, whether you've been with your sub for an hour or a decade, be careful. Pay attention. Take precautions. Don't get cocky. And take good care of your subs - that's your job.
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