Hey there. Just passing through - but I had a blog topic request for you!
I noticed you commenting on a thread about self-teaching as a dominant. Self-teaching is all great in theory, but the hard part if you're a beginner is trying to identify quality references. I don't actually know why I never asked. Could you put together a list of favourite sites, articles, video tutorials, and so on? I don't know if you have any, since you probably learned most of this stuff eons ago.
But that would be an awesome blog post.
So the short answer is... No; no I don't. Sorry!
...And here's where I'm incredibly tempted to sign off and wipe the dust from my hands, satisfied I had done my job... But that'd be more than a little unfair - especially when there's so much left to say on the subject. I mean, I could give you a recomendation for one book - Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon (http://www.amazon.com/Screw-Roses-Send-Thorns-Sadomasochism/dp/0964596008) - which has been recommended to me repeatedly by a number of sources. I could point you to some fiction that's worth reading - the Sleeping Beauty trilogy by "Roquelaure"/Rice (http://www.amazon.com/Sleeping-Beauty-trilogy-writing-Roquelaure/dp/B000V7SLSA/) or even some stuff by Laurell K. Hamilton. I could list off another 15 or 20 books that I've heard of or one person may have recommended... But I really don't have a library of my own to work from.
Funnily enough, the problem isn't that I learned everything so long ago; I'm still learning. It's a terrible cliché, but I learn something in every relationship, even if it's something small. I feel like if you aren't learning something you're just not paying attention. One of the biggest requirements of any dominant is the ability to observe, to understand - to understand yourself, to understand your partners, to understand the situation you find yourself in. Consider this your first lesson as a prospect Dom(me): if you can't understand your partner, if you're lacking in empathy, if you can't read them well... In the long term, you may not be a bad Dom(me), but you'll be a risky one.
The crux of the problem here is two things: 1) I was self-taught, and 2) the topic is just so damned broad. The two aren't wholly unrelated, though. I've harped repeatedly on the idea that you need to find out what you want more than you need to have someone answer all your questions for you. No two Dom(me)s or subs are the same. This is the biggest obstacle you're going to encounter when trying to learn how to be a Dom(me). You can go and read a book that your friend - a successful and happy Dom(me) - swears taught them everything... And when you've read it, realize that everything in it is wrong for you. BDSM is broad; being a Dom(me) is broad; being a sub is broad. So what type of Dom(me) do you want to be? What type of submissive are you looking for? Are you looking for a baby girl/boy? Someone who'll submit only in the bedroom? High Protocol? Gorean? Are you looking for a pet - someone who will be a dog or cat or totally fantastic beast? Are you looking for something High Protocol? Gorean? What are your other parallel kinks - bondage? Sadism? Masochism? (and yes, I say with a straight face you can be a masochistic Dom(me)...) Blood play? Mummification? How will they interact with your dominant tendencies?
You're right, though, that self-teaching is difficult... Especially without context. And here's the problem - there are resources for every option above, and the various options I haven't mentioned yet. So the best advice from that point of view is to find a range of advice - multiple different books, multiple different people - and approach each of them with an open mind. I could go to the library and the bookstore and the internet and come up with a hundred books on one of these subjects... Or a hundred on each of these subjects... And every last one could be wrong. The biggest thing you would get out of that experience, however, is a much better idea of where your interests lie and what to concentrate on.
Depending on where you are, one of the best resources you may have available to you will end up being your local scene. Or maybe I should say Scene(tm) - the other dominants and submissives and related kinksters around you. Depending on how extensive your local kink culture is, there may actually be programs and groups around dedicated to helping you through exactly this type of situation - people who'll mentor you through the worst of it. There maybe be clubs you can go to and watch scenes... And there may be friends you can make. Getting that kind of exposure to the real life is a good step once you know approximately what it is you're looking for in the situation.
The next major step is to find a partner you can practice on. This may be in conjunction with another person, a mentor; if that's possible, that's the best of all worlds. If it's solo (that is, you and your partner) and without supervision... Be careful. There are too many ways to hurt someone - and I don't even mean primarily physically; there are too many ways to damage someone psychologically for any of this to be safe.
The last piece of advice I'll throw out here, and probably the most controversial... I am strongly of the opinion that no dominant should actually take on a submissive until they've been one themselves. This is an... Unpopular opinion, and one that is extremely difficult for some people. However, one thing I've observed repeatedly over the years is that too many dominants simply do not understand the position their submissives are in. A good dominant protects and takes care of their partners; a bad one uses and damages them... And usually can't tell the difference.
My own way of learning how to be a Dom wasn't really the best one available; it was a long, hard journey with a lot of mis-steps mistakes. Don't move too fast; think through all your options before you pick the wrong one; find friends and acquaintances to talk to; think through the consequences; and make sure you leave the person better than you found them. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, but take the steps to make sure they don't do too much damage when you do. In the long run, you'll figure it out and be fine.
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